I’ve had my challenges during my months at common cathedral. Boundaries, as I’ve mentioned, have caused some growing pains, as has facing the fact that I must make mistakes in order to learn. Last week I felt a sort of charged frustration when I encountered someone in crisis and I felt unable to help them because of my role as intern. My instincts told me that I could effectively jump in to crisis intervention mode. The rules of my internship told me otherwise. Logically I understood why—I don’t have the proper training, for one, and I’d be crossing some boundaries established to protect community members, interns, staff, and the common art program. It also may set a precedent that I can’t keep up with—for this individual and for other community members. Still, I felt helpless and angry.

I discussed this with Rev. Pam Werntz, my supervisor, a few days after it happened (when I knew the individual was okay) and I finally expressed my anger aloud to her. I’d been bottling it up because it felt wrong to challenge the rules of the site (again, it’s not exactly the rules I was challenging, but I just couldn’t reconcile the fact that I was unable to help someone when I felt capable of doing so). I was nervous to voice my opinion—how dare I challenge an establishment that’s done so much good for so long? How dare I think I knew any better? Pam listened to me calmly and held space for my anger. We discussed the many outcomes that may have happened had I helped this individual—the precedent it would set, the boundaries it would break, and what may happen if I ran into a situation I didn’t know how to handle.

Pam recognized that crisis intervention seemed to be a particular area of counseling that resonates with me. She verified that, yes, it’s not within my role at the site to do that sort of crisis intervention, but she also suggested I consider looking into opportunities to learn about crisis intervention elsewhere. I’d been so preoccupied by my own dilemma that I hadn’t stopped to consider that crisis intervention could be a new role for me, rather than a role I try to shoehorn into my drama-therapy-intern role. I know that I have support to give and have some skills in this area. I’ll give whatever I can within my limitations as an intern and explore opportunities where I can learn how to work beyond these limits elsewhere.

                                                             12/19/19, Amanda Ludeking