As my time at Emmanuel is coming to an end, I feel like I’m just getting started. I’m in a place where I feel comfortable taking risks, stepping outside the box, and sharing my ideas. Over the course of the week I have been reminded that it is okay to try something new, no matter how far along in the process I am.
On Thursdays, I lead a movement group with the folks from Café Emmanuel. I have had so much fun with this group. The participants vary from week to week, and there is one person who has not missed a session. Each week we dance and move with multicolored scarves to different songs, most recently Broadway tunes. The returning participant is always trying to get others to stay and dance with him. I feel his desire to have more than just me and a volunteer. So, in an attempt to entice folks to participate I played the music earlier than normal, gathered a few scarves and placed them in people’s hands. I physically invited people and resisted the urge to be complacent and just accept that folks are not interested in movement. It worked! We added people to our group, and I think it was the most enjoyable session yet!
During a conversation on Wednesday with a Common Art community member, who was just accepted to graduate school, we shared the ways our paths in higher education unfolded. I described my journey as feeling like a big push from the universe off the high dive into the deep end and I’m currently treading water. We agreed that for both of us it seemed like the stars aligned, and we are happy with our decisions.
Later in the afternoon an artist who was diligently working to finish a piece for the weekend show mentioned he was tired and really needed to finish his work. I suggested meditating for ten minutes and offered to join him. We invited other artists and sat in the music room for ten minutes. There was a common expression of rejuvenation. We chatted about how nice it felt to resist the urge to nap in the afternoon by meditating instead.
This theme of internal listening and trusting is a common thread in my experience, and prison is no different. In fact I believe I learned the most from taking a turn leading Art and Spirituality a couple Mondays ago. I wanted to make an offering as I begin to transition out of the program. I made a music CD from a playlist that I use for studying and took it into the group. The music is very similar to the playlist we already have, and honestly I don’t think anyone noticed the new music. I wanted to take a risk and offer some piano versions of current hits, which I felt would be well received by the women. I overthought the idea, got in the way of myself, and decided to ignore my desire to try something new.
I have decided that attunement is key, whether I’m challenging my own status quo, trusting my process, or resisting something that I know will not serve me (or something that will). What I have gleaned thus far from my internship experience and as a Dance/Movement Therapist in training is to be aware of what is rising within, and consider what it’s saying. My dad always tells me, “Jessi, don’t let your books get in the way of your education.” I’m starting to understand that he means balancing my lived experience and my academic work. I offer you this: take a few minutes in your day to tune into what you feel, so that you expand your capacity to take a risk or make a choice that will serve the greatest good.
–Jessi Naff