In my group-therapy class, we just started to talk about dealing with the ending phase of a group, when the individuals that comprise a particular group inevitably shift or disperse.  The groups that I am part of through Emmanuel will continue on without me when I leave this internship, but that doesn’t mean that the groups will remain the same; in fact, they will have changed because my co-intern and I will be gone. 

I’ve written posts before about how I try not to overestimating the attachment community members may have to me or overestimate the possible sense of loss they might feel when I leave this internship, but I’ve given little thought to how leaving the group will effect me.  I’ve also given little thought to the possibility that some community members may miss me and/or my co-intern Brianna deeply.  I think I’m afraid of how vain I think that sounds, but it is a possibility that our presence may be missed to some degree.  I know I’ll miss the people at this internship, some deeply.

What do I do with this new-found perspective? What do I do with the idea that there may be a great sense of loss — if only from my own end — in parting? At first, I was overwhelmed by all of it.  I found myself suddenly and profoundly saddened by the idea of moving on from the different groups, especially the Common Art group.  I began to realize that going to Common Art every week is a cherished and integral part of my schedule, and it will be a big change to not be in that setting and to no longer see the people I currently see more than my own family.  Try as one might, it is impossible to escape unfavorable feelings in life, and I have to remind myself that it is okay to feel out the sense of loss that may come up for me when I leave this internship.  It is okay to be mournful of change.  However, it is not my goal to become mired in feelings of loss and sadness once I move on to a post-Emmanuel life.  While I want to give the necessary space for unfavorable feelings to exist, I also also don’t want community members to become mired in their own sadness.  While I cannot control how others will react to changing group dynamics, I can do all I can to assist in the process by employing openness and tact to address my departure in May.

Sometimes it seems like the easiest and safest choice to not fully engage with goodbyes, but I believe that approach tends to sweep unfavorable feelings like loss under the rug instead of bringing them to closure.  With change comes loss, and I wonder if there are changes you’ve experienced in your life that you have yet to take the time to fully feel out both the relief and the sadness, the good and the bad?

–Briana Heller