It is not easy to hear individuals talk about being assaulted on the streets, being abused by their foster care families, being rejected by their families when they come out as LGBorT, and all of the powerful and difficult feelings that are evoked by injustice.  It is not easy to feel helpless in the face of suffering and to feel the awkwardness of not knowing what to say or how to help.  These things have been uncomfortable for me.  The idea of sitting with discomfort was first suggested to me by my supervisor at the beginning of my internship, and it was the first time this idea was ever suggested to me.  Historically, my personal discomfort is something that I try to skew and bury; when there is an awkward silence, when someone shares something that is difficult to hear, and when a person’s presence and distinctiveness aggravate me, I try to fill, smooth, and deflect my own discomfort. However, I have found that it has been essential in my internship to allow people the space to express difficult experiences and feelings and to also allow the often uncomfortable space for silence.

Especially at the beginning of my internship, my natural response to the discomfort of listening to and experiencing difficult situations was to try to support by buffing out the roughness of another’s situation through hopeful support, but I have learned that tendency comes from a need to alleviate my own discomfort.  I have found that supporting others is about taking actions to validate their discomforts, and this can come in the form of simply listening.  It feels comfortable to instantly offer advice or words of solace, but sometimes these gestures are empty attempts to turn from the discomfort of facing the reality of pain, injustice, and other difficulties.

Sitting with discomfort includes exploring within myself why it made me uncomfortable to listen to a man who sleeps on the streets complain about the rain as I sat warm in my raincoat.  Within the parameters of safeguarding personal safety and safety of others, it is okay to feel discomfort sometimes in what people say and what their words bring up for me, and there are times when personal discomfort should be chewed and digested instead of instantly spit out.  Once I was able to explore and manage my own discomfort, I was able to more fully listen to, support, and not judge the people I served in my internships, and this is an amazing point of growth that I can take with me when I leave.  I thank Emmanuel for providing this internship, for its challenges and its support, and although I am sad to leave I am excited to take an abundance of memories and knowledge with me.

–Briana Heller